:)

Now I'm here, bebeh.

Throw them away, without a qualm

I have wasted nearly RM1000 in 3 days when the fact I only got my allowance last week! But, whatever. In another month I shall receive another one.

A tough, yet meaningless choice

Здравствуйте.

So today I was given a piece of paper which turned out to be the form for my university placement right after Biology class ended. The instruction is easy whereby I need to arrange which one I wanted most to study into. There are three choices which are MMA, VSMA and NNSMA. All three universities are located in three different cities. I already heard a truckload of stuffs regarding each universities from my seniors, but stories are just stories. Nothing is true than meet the eyes. Plus, I don't really think what I filled up is really being looked up  by the sponsor. Do they really care about me and my silly choice? I doubt that. Most probably they will throw me somewhere without a glance at the paper. The ability to choose is simply, symbolic. Nothing more than that.

Talk about being pessimistic.

But, a lot of my friends filled MMA and NNSMA as their first choices. I put those my second and third. For MMA, it's true that it is ranked the first and being regarded as most prestigious medical instituition in the whole Russia, however there's no fucking way I will be in the city filled with suicide bombers, mafia gangs and high-priced foods. I don't want to get wasted too soon. While for NNSMA, there's no particular reason whatsoever. I got nothing anti about this place, but perhaps the fact that all of my friends, especially my classmates, filled up this place as their first choice, that's why I don't. I really don't feel like being stuck in NNSMA with them, sorry. It sucks wasting 6 years with people you don't really fond of. And it shall kill you inside, bit by bit.

Again, pessimistic.

Go away you pesty dilemmas

So, I just set a fresh template for the blog. Well, that's not something utterly prominent to talk about, no?

Anyway, about a few days ago I messaged my brothers and sisters on the same question:

"Salam. I think I had made a huge mistake taking the scholarship. Do you think I can tell our parents about this? I just realized I am not meant to be a doctor... A part of me is very sure that I will eventually regret this decision until the end of my life."

Although, the desire to pack my things and get out from the hostel right away still exists, but I would like to say thank you so much to my siblings who sort of lifted my enormous burden off me. The dilemma that I was suffering is extremely excruciating and my tears never ran through my cheeks ever-so-quickly as I whole-heartedly believe, I was meant to fail and become a loser, regardless of everything I have done juggling with my studies.

And thank you to to my senior, who all of a sudden pop-up into the scene and gave me and my friends a handful of tips on how to survive living in Russia.

So, for the remaining 2 months of foundation here I have decided to study really hard. I might not have that driving force to keep me awake until 3am like others, but I will commit, by hook or by crook. After this, no more taking things lightly and peaking at my friend's test papers like before.

Yes, I'll be honest to myself by using my very own effort. I know that I would fail , which is no different from the current condition I am in, but if I applied that fatal method of  self-relying at least I won't be too suicidal if I were to fail in any tests, simply because I know I deserve that score and mark. I won't be like anyone else who would smile so broadly over something that is not even purely done by himself or herself.

Hell no.

That lonesome fellow

I've found myself in Wikipedia. Ironically.

A loner is a person who avoids or does not actively seek human interaction.

Some people see it as beneficial- maturing much faster, seeking knowledge, reaching their goals easier, and more focused on the task at hand. Disconnected from the people around them, they are more likely to make their own decisions and go miles ahead of those around them. They relate only to individuals they consider worthy of their time. Therefore, this type of loner will have very few intimate relationships.

Loners may socialize greatly with those in whom they can confide. If someone unknown to a loner enters the social group, the loner may automatically shell up. Insecure loners find it excruciating to be in the physical presence of others. Anxiety is a common feature of their social interactions.

Most loners are able to act "normally" in a social setting. However, the strain of being in a situation which is uncomfortable may leave some mentally and emotionally exhausted. They may have to retreat for a significant amount of time before being able to do so again.

Source: Loner, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loner

Русские пословицы

Корень учения горек, да плог сладок
Lots of study is bitter, but the fruit is sweet.

Учиться - всегда пригодится
Learning always beneficial.

Повторение - мать учения
Repetition-  mother of studies.

Трудно в учении, легко в бою
Difficulty in studies, easy in battle.

Красна птица пером, а человек учением
Bird is beautiful in their feathers, whereas mankind in education.

Учиться никогда не поздно
To study- never be late.

Век живи, век учись
Century live, century study.

Some of these proverbs aren't really making much sense. But, whatever. There is a Russian proverb about chicken eggs too. Eccentric, I know.

Rebellious kid

I've decided to cut my hair really short. The almost-bald kinda short. I'm actually in the middle of this revolt with my sponsor for not giving me my damn allowance. I haven't received a single cent since February. Seriously, how difficult is it to throw onto a teenager a check worth nearly RM3000? Answers? Well, maybe. But, isn't it a small money as compared to all the tax money you possessed?

Let's see when will I be back in my flamboyant hairstyle. For now, it's time to get serious. Money is inevitably not a ludicrous matter. It's a serious business and I want my right, by hook or by crook.

But, whoever asks me about what on earth happened to my hair, then I'll simply turn around and reply, "Nothing."