:)

Now I'm here, bebeh.

Throw them away, without a qualm

I have wasted nearly RM1000 in 3 days when the fact I only got my allowance last week! But, whatever. In another month I shall receive another one.

A tough, yet meaningless choice

Здравствуйте.

So today I was given a piece of paper which turned out to be the form for my university placement right after Biology class ended. The instruction is easy whereby I need to arrange which one I wanted most to study into. There are three choices which are MMA, VSMA and NNSMA. All three universities are located in three different cities. I already heard a truckload of stuffs regarding each universities from my seniors, but stories are just stories. Nothing is true than meet the eyes. Plus, I don't really think what I filled up is really being looked up  by the sponsor. Do they really care about me and my silly choice? I doubt that. Most probably they will throw me somewhere without a glance at the paper. The ability to choose is simply, symbolic. Nothing more than that.

Talk about being pessimistic.

But, a lot of my friends filled MMA and NNSMA as their first choices. I put those my second and third. For MMA, it's true that it is ranked the first and being regarded as most prestigious medical instituition in the whole Russia, however there's no fucking way I will be in the city filled with suicide bombers, mafia gangs and high-priced foods. I don't want to get wasted too soon. While for NNSMA, there's no particular reason whatsoever. I got nothing anti about this place, but perhaps the fact that all of my friends, especially my classmates, filled up this place as their first choice, that's why I don't. I really don't feel like being stuck in NNSMA with them, sorry. It sucks wasting 6 years with people you don't really fond of. And it shall kill you inside, bit by bit.

Again, pessimistic.

Go away you pesty dilemmas

So, I just set a fresh template for the blog. Well, that's not something utterly prominent to talk about, no?

Anyway, about a few days ago I messaged my brothers and sisters on the same question:

"Salam. I think I had made a huge mistake taking the scholarship. Do you think I can tell our parents about this? I just realized I am not meant to be a doctor... A part of me is very sure that I will eventually regret this decision until the end of my life."

Although, the desire to pack my things and get out from the hostel right away still exists, but I would like to say thank you so much to my siblings who sort of lifted my enormous burden off me. The dilemma that I was suffering is extremely excruciating and my tears never ran through my cheeks ever-so-quickly as I whole-heartedly believe, I was meant to fail and become a loser, regardless of everything I have done juggling with my studies.

And thank you to to my senior, who all of a sudden pop-up into the scene and gave me and my friends a handful of tips on how to survive living in Russia.

So, for the remaining 2 months of foundation here I have decided to study really hard. I might not have that driving force to keep me awake until 3am like others, but I will commit, by hook or by crook. After this, no more taking things lightly and peaking at my friend's test papers like before.

Yes, I'll be honest to myself by using my very own effort. I know that I would fail , which is no different from the current condition I am in, but if I applied that fatal method of  self-relying at least I won't be too suicidal if I were to fail in any tests, simply because I know I deserve that score and mark. I won't be like anyone else who would smile so broadly over something that is not even purely done by himself or herself.

Hell no.

That lonesome fellow

I've found myself in Wikipedia. Ironically.

A loner is a person who avoids or does not actively seek human interaction.

Some people see it as beneficial- maturing much faster, seeking knowledge, reaching their goals easier, and more focused on the task at hand. Disconnected from the people around them, they are more likely to make their own decisions and go miles ahead of those around them. They relate only to individuals they consider worthy of their time. Therefore, this type of loner will have very few intimate relationships.

Loners may socialize greatly with those in whom they can confide. If someone unknown to a loner enters the social group, the loner may automatically shell up. Insecure loners find it excruciating to be in the physical presence of others. Anxiety is a common feature of their social interactions.

Most loners are able to act "normally" in a social setting. However, the strain of being in a situation which is uncomfortable may leave some mentally and emotionally exhausted. They may have to retreat for a significant amount of time before being able to do so again.

Source: Loner, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loner

Русские пословицы

Корень учения горек, да плог сладок
Lots of study is bitter, but the fruit is sweet.

Учиться - всегда пригодится
Learning always beneficial.

Повторение - мать учения
Repetition-  mother of studies.

Трудно в учении, легко в бою
Difficulty in studies, easy in battle.

Красна птица пером, а человек учением
Bird is beautiful in their feathers, whereas mankind in education.

Учиться никогда не поздно
To study- never be late.

Век живи, век учись
Century live, century study.

Some of these proverbs aren't really making much sense. But, whatever. There is a Russian proverb about chicken eggs too. Eccentric, I know.

Rebellious kid

I've decided to cut my hair really short. The almost-bald kinda short. I'm actually in the middle of this revolt with my sponsor for not giving me my damn allowance. I haven't received a single cent since February. Seriously, how difficult is it to throw onto a teenager a check worth nearly RM3000? Answers? Well, maybe. But, isn't it a small money as compared to all the tax money you possessed?

Let's see when will I be back in my flamboyant hairstyle. For now, it's time to get serious. Money is inevitably not a ludicrous matter. It's a serious business and I want my right, by hook or by crook.

But, whoever asks me about what on earth happened to my hair, then I'll simply turn around and reply, "Nothing."

Purely unjust

When people attack black people, they call it racism.

When people attack jewish, they call it anti-semetism.

When people attack women, they call it sexism.

When people attack homosexuality, they call it homophobia.

When people attack a country, they call it treason.

When people attack a religious sect, they call it hate.

But, when they attack the Prophet Mohamed, they call it freedom of speech?

Wordpress vs. Blogger

Blogger is so fucking boring. So, in an attempt to give myself a good blogging experience- I tried signing up for Wordpress instead. However, it's extremely infuriating the fact that I can't do anything to edit the blog layout though. I need to purchase the Cascading Style Sheet before I can actually code my own layout. How pathetic is that? To put it in a simpler way-  Wordpress doesn't allow users to easily meddle with the existing template. That's far more fucking boring than Blogger for sure.

Well, I suppose I'll stay with this stupid Blogger instead.

Forgotten

Oh fuck. I left my Russian Language notebook at home. Now, I need to message my family to post it back to college. Great, just great. How do I study Russian Language now?

Tinta dari sang perindu

Paras si gadis itu mungkin tidak secantik wanita bermekab tebal di mana-mana saluran televisyen. Bukanlah suatu wajah yang akan diperkatakan saban hari oleh sekumpulan lelaki. Rupanya biasa-biasa. Typical Malay. Tapi wajah itulah yang berjaya menambat hati seorang pria, yakni aku. Wajah yang tak lekang dek senyuman manis yang mampu mencairkan hatiku yang pada hematku, agak keras juga.

Perawakannya yang tampak keibuan amat disenangi ramai, termasuk aku. Moralnya tinggi. Akhlaknya flawless. Imannya mantap. Tutur katanya indah-indah belaka. Dan ilmunya tidak kurang tinggi- baik duniawi bahkan akhirat.

Teringin aku mendekatinya. Namun, suatu suara ghaib acapkali membentak, menghalang.

Barangkali juga aku tidak layak untuk gadis seperfect itu. Aku, Si Loser, gamaknya perlu banyak memperbaiki diri. Lopong-lopong yang sedia wujud pada diri ini masih banyak. Tidak terkira. Dan aku sedar proses ini bakal memakan masa. Bertahun-tahun, mungkin.

Kerna pipit takkan terbang sama enggang. Sungguh aku mengerti definisi perumpamaan itu.

P/S: Oh, alangkah gembiranya jika bunga itu tidak dipetik orang bila masa aku sudah bersedia. Oh Tuhan, bantulah aku...

My life is fated to suck

RM30 flew off from my wallet this evening as I just bought a ticket back to college tomorrow. Mentally I have to admit, I'm not that ready to go back yet. Physically, I'm not ready to start packing. Intellectually, I have no idea. Spiritually, perhaps.

Unfortunately, it is something that have to be done whether I like it or not. Being in the college tomorrow will surely mark me in the history as I'm so fucking early than everybody else in the college when  the exact time I should be enjoying my holidays is 2 weeks. So, pretty much I'm 6 days early.

Oh well, there are things that require sacrifices in my life. Everybody else is enjoying themselves while I'm in college doing my work and studying. My life is fated to suck, for sure.

Towards better Malaysian generations

Implementing the proposal of making compulsory Mandarin and Tamil teachers in national schools  is one splendid move, I would say. Scientifically, learning many languages can help enhancing one's congnitive skills and make one understands the world better. I always wonder why I don't get the chance to study Mandarin and Tamil in school. It's just isn't fair to just having the thought of it. Rendering the education system by adding more language studies is a very smart strategy towards molding a better and highly-intelligent Malaysian generations and I'm voting for it.

Source: Mandarin and Tamil teachers may be made compulsory, http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/6/14/nation/6464043&sec=nation

Oral test approaching

I'm pretty freaked out. You see, in two months time there would be a test in which I would be sitting in  front of all three of my Russian Language lecturers- The Olgas. Once I take my seat, they will start bombarding me with questions by questions and I would be expected to answer them all confidently, lucidly and most importantly, correctly.

Looking in the mirror, I don't think I'm quite ready yet for the test. My Russian is scarcely in primary level, contradict to the others who seem to speaking Russian quite natively already. Their proficiency demands praises.

But perhaps I got plenty of time to train myself. Two months. That's sure is a long time to practice- communicating with my peers in Russian majority of the time, remembering all the given vocabs and understanding the fucking mind-boggling Russian grammatical rules. 

I'll try my hardest- as I will never let myself fumble, stumble and tremor in front of those bitches. Hell no.

New layout

I changed the layout this morning. Nothing fancy though. Just some small editing here and there. I have added a Gothic Victorian background at the back. In my perspective, the current layout is pretty decent. Hopefully, it will stay this way until whenever.

Self vs others

Living in this world that is full of competition, one has to admit- you must, by hook or by crook, compete with the others. But, the truth is beneath your own skin. You must compete with yourself. That is the right way of motivating and bringing yourself to the better.

1. Competing with yourself covers 24 hour including when we are sleeping

2. You can aim for the ideal position or 100%

3. Self-competing does not require any cost, time or even space

4. It shakes your mental energy while competing with others would only involve physical energy

5. You could possibly get into rank No. 1

6. You shall gain greater feeling of self-satisfaction when you manage to achieve your victory

Source: Bagaimana Bersaing Dengan Diri Sendiri,  http://hajimuhammadzakaria.blogspot.com/2010/04/bagaimana-bersaing-dengan-diri-sendiri.html

All in all, you should compete with your very self and  don't give a fuck at everybody else. Like people ought to say, yourself is your biggest enemy. So, beware.

The road of becoming a literati

A few tips on how to become more literate:

1. Read

2. Progress to more challenging reading

3. Find or form a book group

4. Set personal goals for readings

5. Choose well-known books

6. Enjoy the reading

Source: How to Become Literate - wikiHow, http://www.wikihow.com/Become-Literate

Facebook kiss my ass

I've known that I shouldn't signed up for Facebook. It was a curse. A devastating one. Just a month ago I deactivated my account and the result then is complete wonders. I have time to do everything I want, rather than sitting in front of my notebook- social-networking. But, I guess as time goes by having a Facebook becomes more and more prominent. It's just like owning a handphone or even an email address. They pretty much ease communication between you and the others. Day by day many came and contacted me asking for one humble request- to activate my Facebook account.

But despite of the fact, I still think I should be the way I am now. Facebookless. It feels far better this way.

Making graphics sure is fun

I should go serious about graphic designing again. Go serious here means to make it a hobby during my spare time, of course. I used to be very good at this but I've just discovered how lame I am now, in relative to my peers. All the skills that I had mastered were all vanished into the thin air. Since I've allocated so much of my time on studies, my right brain sure needs a lot of polishing. There came the neccesity of it.

Dissatisfaction

There were a few points in our life that we have tried the best of our might and with all the limited resources that we had to please everyone around us, but sadly it was not enough. All the efforts that were laid on the table were considered useless. Disapproved by others. And you were left alone to do all those works again.

Prior to buying a new game

So, I just discovered an interesting and helpful website this morning. Have you ever experienced buying a game and get frustrated afterward because the game simply cannot be played?

Well, here's the solution. Go to the link below and check for your computer's requirement to see whether it is compatible or not with the game.

http://www.systemrequirementslab.com/cyri

All the best, people.

Speaking of which, I think I should buy either Age of Mythology or Warcraft: The Frozen Throne. But, I just cannot decide which one though. I'm very fond to strategy-type games, contrary to my peers who are more towards shooting and sports.

Current Obsession

Try to guess how much time did I spent watching all these Avatar and South Park series today?

A lot.

A note to remember

Oftentimes when we think that we are the brightest from the rest around us, sadly the truth is- we are just a dumb ass who are trapped in our own mentalities and fantasies. Everyone is way ahead of us, but we are still there- smiling pompously at the world in oblivion.

So, wake up, get up and do something.

Fucking assignments

4 days had passed and my assignments and researches progress are still a long way to go from completion. Damn it. Damn IT! What's wrong with me? I really need to get out of this house. It is absolute in-conducive for me. Compared to being in the college, at least i had a little sense of working mood there.

Suffocating

So many works to do, yet there is so little time that I have to spare. The highest gratitude and appreciation to all my lovely lecturers who are so generous- leaving me with so many fucking assignments to be completed during my holidays. Damn it. How I wish I have 25 hours a day. With all the temptations around, it is nearly impossible that I could do all these works.

The bad news is time flies.
The good news is you're the pilot.

I should allocated some time to do my works, but when? Two days already passed and I don't even realized it!

Oh, I'm suffocating.

Here we go again

I don't how many times had I created blogs, wrote some fucking and pointless entries and later had them all burnt by deleting them. But for sure, the idea of blogging is really addictive. Somehow, it is like a morphine that satisfies and completes the empty spaces in the soul of mine. So, here am I again in this vast blogging world- in an attempt to bring back some significance to my otherwise meaningless life. Give me a round of applause.